Welcome to Danny.Fer.Sure.

I’m gonna spend my day listening to Avril Lavigne and Michelle Branch. And then I’m gonna go for a walk and think about you for a little while.

I’m finally feeling again.

I guess I’ve decided to start using this again, from time to time, just as a journal sort of thing to let out some of the feelings that I don’t really feel comfortable talking about with other people. It serves its purpose, I guess. I’ve definitely been happier these past couple of days than I was earlier this week. But then again, that could be for completely different reasons, but who even knows.

I’d like to start playing my guitar again… I have an idea for a concept album, finally. About love. Because really, what else could it be about? Love is literally the driving force behind my life. It means more to me than anything else could ever hope to. 

Now, the focus is more on what aspects of love to talk about. There’s the physical, the emotional, the spiritual… plus the idea of falling in love twice. The contrasts between loving one person and another are interesting, so that’ll probably be included.

Also, there’ll definitely have to be a breakup song, but that’s not something I’m too worried about. I know me, and I know that breakup songs are something I can do.

And now for something completely different.

I’m going to start writing a book fairly soon, as well. But I can’t decide what I want to write about. I’m thinking that I want to write a story about escape into space. However, the details are a bit sketchy right now, and it’s only in the infancy stages of development, so who knows where it’ll end up.

Well, it’s about that time, folks. Let It Be just came on and I’ve got homework to do, so, have a nice Mother’s day!

This is a concept that I have given much thought to over the course of my life. Can we change fate, or is a predetermined path that our life will take regardless of the choices we make?

I personally like to believe that we can choose our own fate. Each choice we make leads us to who we are and who we will be,  and we have at least some sort of minor control over this ending.

However, there is a lyric from the new Jack’s Mannequin record on the song “Casting Lines” that goes like this: “Who are we to argue fate?” And this is the truest statement I could find on the topic. It doesn’t matter whether or not you can control the fate that you have been given or that you have chosen. The real thing that matters is you are where you are, and that’s where you’re going to stay, unless your fate leads you a different direction.

…of pure, unbridled, teenage angst in a form I have not felt since at least freshman year. It’s disconcerting, and I’m worried because I don’t have any idea WHY I am feeling this way.

I’ve also started letting myself do a very scary thing: write about what I’m thinking. Just sit there during class and write and write and write and let my mind wander, and the results aren’t what I hoped they would be. I’m not writing stories. I’m writing thoughts. And it’s actually what I’m thinking and that fact is most likely the scariest part of all.

Because these are not happy things. Not happy things at all. I realize as I’m writing right now that this is also exactly the same thing. I’m talking about the way I feel.

Let us begin, shall we? Delve into the depths of what exactly it is that is scaring me?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m still in high school and everything is immersed in this immaturity that I’m really, really quite sick of. It’s like, no one understands what’s happening around them. The administration is proceeding to screw over everyone and it’s only going to get worse as more time passes. 
Maybe it’s the fear that the same exact thing is happening on a greater scale, in our government. Democracy is flawed and it’s starting to fail, and that’s quite a frightening thought.
Maybe it’s something completely different, and has to do with the fact that I’m totally unaccustomed to the idea that I’m about to enter a completely new world, an environment that I’m not used to with someone who I don’t even know entirely anymore?
Maybe, it’s about her and the way she never leaves my mind no matter how much I’m impaired, or tired, or lost in thought. She’s always there and I don’t think she’ll ever leave it.
Maybe it’s the fear that she will leave, and I have no control as to whether or not that will happen and that’s scary as hell.
Maybe it’s the idea in my head that keeps coming back that this is starting to look a lot like last time and as much as I don’t want it to be I have no real idea whether or not she cares about me enough to stay this time.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact that every single time I do this writing thing it becomes about her. And if she leaves I’m going to be so lost that I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to find me again. 

Oh, and I had a reality break last night. I don’t recommend it. It changes things. 

I wrote an entire blog bitching about my life, only to realize that it’s actually pretty good right now, so why complain?